Choices

Psychologist Barry Schwartz reckons that "choice has made us not freer but more paralyzed, not happier but more dissatisfied. "

What do you think?  Would you agree with him?

I think that many people, coming from environments with lesser choice, would, as they experience our supermarkets.  Instead of just buying milk, one gets to choose between soy, rice and dairy milk.  Then there is skim, low fat and full cream to choose from.  Then, which brand?  Milk from which country of origin, or which state?

And similarly with other goods and services.  It is so hard to compare the offerings of two mobile phone providers, as their plans are described so differently that it is not easy to see which one suits the consumer better.

Then, comparing ourselves with other people and trying to "keep up with the Joneses" - how much to keep up or how much not to.  What is right for us?

And then, there is also the government telling us what to do.  That we need to have two incomes, be productive economically, as though the economy is the most important aspect of society.  Or to deviate from that.

Choices of which clothes are suitable to wear, which religion to follow, etc.

It is a lifestyle issue.  I think that how satisfied we are depends on how we feel about the choices, and not the choices itself.

Some people willingly live more simply, and feel happy about it.

Last Sunday, I remembered Jesus and His choices.  He could have chosen other apostles, or not have Judas Iscariot among his closest ones.  He could have made it easy for himself by not going to the cross.  But He didn't.  He made his choice based on what He knew would best bring glory to God and what would save the people He loves.

Are choices easy for us?  Are we willing to make sacrificial choices?

What would you choose?  Why?

Introverts

The Cambridge Dictionary defines an "introvert" to be "someone who is shy, quiet, and unable to make friends easily".  Wikipedia, though, reckons that this is a common mistake.  It said that "mistaking introversion for shyness is a common error. Introverts prefer solitary to social activities, but do not necessarily fear social encounters like shy people do.".

Carl Jung describes introversion and extroversion as a spectrum.  Different people have different levels of introversion and extroversion, and cannot exactly be boxed as one or the other.  Those somewhere in the middle of the spectrum are called "ambiverts".

The Huffington Post lists the following characteristics of introverts:

• They withdraw in crowds,
• They prefer deeper conversations to small talk,
• They do well on stage, but not the light conversations after,
• They are easily distracted, but do not feel bored,
• They are drawn to creative, detail-oriented and solitary careers,
• When surrounded by people, they prefer to be closer to the exits,
• They think before they speak,
• They don't take on the mood of the environment like extroverts,
• They don't like talking on the phone,
• They shut down when it is time to be alone.

At a recent conference that I attended, introverts were defined as people who energise in solitude, while extroverts are gain their energy when in a crowd.  Somebody said that she has shifted closer to be an ambivert compared to her younger years.  Another person said that she felt awkward while living in a foreign land, where she needs to converse in a foreign language frequently, but she is able to make friends and feel comfortable in that environment even so.  Yet another cautioned against regarding introversion as a handicap - they are normal people who just draw their energy differently.  They just need to have some "alone" time to recharge after interacting with other people.  Introverts long for company and friendships just like everybody else.

Are you an introvert?  What helps you survive the social environment if you are?  How do you think introverts can be assisted socially?

Comparing two cities

What thoughts would pass through your mind if you were needing to relocate to another culture?  Would you be filled with excitement or apprehension?

The play Manakottai reflected on these questions in a humourous way.

The play contrasted two families.  One family with two children were leaving Chennai, India for Sydney, Australia.  Another family had one child, and was leaving Sydney, Australia for Chennai, India.  Both families transit at Changi Airport, Singapore for a time.

Both families are Tamil.  They both have a teenage daughter.  The family of four also had a younger son.  The parents have lived in Chennai before.

The family going to Sydney looked forward to a culture where the mother has the freedom not to be housebound.  The family returning to Chennai was looking forward to a culture where the mother did not have to spend hours in traffic driving, and could concentrate more on cooking Indian dishes for her family.

The family going to Sydney was looking forward to higher wages.  The family going to Chennai was looking forward to a lower cost of living.

The family going to Sydney was looking forward to less congested housing.  The family going to Chennai was looking forward to more connectedness.  We are able to laugh at the fact that the family coming from Sydney had a doctor in the neighbourhood but did not know it.

One of the issues that confronted me were the teenage daughters.  The one who had gotten used to the Sydney environment did not want to return to her parents' homeland.  She thought it embarrassing to have to dress up in Indian clothes and have a plaited hairstyle instead of wearing shorts and having her hair dyed red.  She did not like the idea of living in a city where there were power outages every 15 minutes with high humidity.  She preferred to be with the friends she had come to connect with in Sydney.

The lass from Chennai too loved her friends in Chennai.  She loved that place in spite it being so different from Sydney.

Are we like this?  We love our friends and our conveniences, and do not wish to leave?  Especially after experiencing our adolescence with these peers?

How would you contrast these cultural differences?  Would you look forward to change, or prefer to be comfortable in the environment you are used to?  Why do people undergo the stresses of such changes in our global society these days?

How would you feel if you were forced to leave the environment you have become used to, and be expected to live in a different one?

Like children

Jesus welcomed children.  In Mark 10:13-14, Jesus was upset when his grown-up disciples tried to shove the children away while others were bringing them to Jesus to be blessed.

Johan finds this to be typical of people in our society.  If an important public figure were visiting, then we may have a child present flowers, and then children are not seen any more.  In some churches, children are put aside in the creche, so they do not interrupt the service.  In weddings, etc, unless they are very close to the bride or groom, quite often the children would be assigned a quiet table outside somewhere, or at the back, so they would not interrupt the adults.

Perhaps such behaviour is understandable.  After all, the adult talk and long charade of activities are boring to many children, who then fidget and interrupt or get annoying.  So what does it mean when Jesus said that we need to receive the kingdom of God like children?

Johan suggested that it is the focus and the relationship.  Children look to their parents to provide their needs.  They do not worry about money, time, resources, where their food or clothing or education comes from.  They just need to know that Mum and Dad are there.  Everything else will take care of themselves - or at least, Dad and Mum will take care of their problems.

If they have nightmares, or wounds or problems to deal with, then they go to Mum and Dad for a fix.  If they have a need, then they can call out or cry; Dad or Mum would usually attend to them in a jiffy.

If Mum and Dad are not there for them, then they will worry.  But when Dad and Mum are around, there is no need.  They are generally content.

Perhaps this is the way we need to relate to God - instead of trying to handle our issues ourselves.

I was reading http://www.newscientist.com/article/mg21829181.800-old-schooled-you-never-stop-learning-like-a-child.html during the week.  The article basically says that adults are not too old to learn.  The idea that "you can't teach an old dog new tricks" is not really true, unless you believe it and behave that way.  Adults can learn new things as well as what children can.

A difference is our focus.  Adults tend to have too many things to think about than to think about new subject matter.

Another difference is fear of embarrassment.  Children have less of this, comparatively speaking.

Yet another difference is experience.  To a child, everything is "new", and the world is there to explore.  Because they are new, they are interesting.  Some things are appealing because they are new and interesting.  Other things are forced upon the child to learn so they do it.  For many adults, it is as though they have seen it all before.  The charm of exploring is not there.  New things are a turn-off because it is a challenge they do not need to face, if they choose to settle in the areas that they have already explored instead.

A related issue is health.  The less fit among us may have more trouble learning compared to the fitter ones.

In any case, if an adult were to approach learning in the same way as what a child does, then many things can be learnt as easily as what children do.

I think maybe not everything.  We do get slower in some ways - because of health, and because neurons do not fire as sharply as what they used to.  But I do think that our attitudes can make a difference.

What do you think?  In what ways can an adult benefit from being "childish"?  In what ways shouldn't an adult act "childish"?  How should we live our lives healthily in this regard?  How do we approach God as adults and children?

Please share your thoughts.  Thank you.

Lies to unlearn

Marc Chernhoff lists the following lies that we should unlearn:

• Happiness is getting what you want.  (Not really.  Happiness is being content with what you have.)
• Success is living up to everybody's expectations, including yours.  (Not necessarily.  You can feel successful for every positive difference you make, regardless how small, even if they don't meet anyone's expectations.)
• A busy day is a productive day.  (No.  You can be busy without being productive.  You should work smarter, not harder, and you should be diligent as you work.)
• To be brave is to not feel afraid.  (Actually, you can be brave and feel afraid at the same time.)
• To be strong is to not feel pain.  (Actually, even the strong feel pain.)
• Everyone around you is holding you back.  (No.  Take responsibility for your own progress, don't blame people or circumstances around you.)
• You are entitled to expect certain things from other people.  (No.  Expect nothing, and you won't be disappointed.)
• You will feel comfortable when the time is right.  (Not necessarily.  You can feel comfortable even if the time is wrong.  Discomfort can also be a sign of growth and meeting with changes which can be positive.)
• It is already too late.  (Probably not.  You can keep trying).

I found his list rather profound and simple and true. How about you?  What do you think of the items on this list?

If they are indeed true, then how did we come about to believe such lies?  Is it because of our ego?  Our culture?  Our environment?  Would our expectations be different if we grew up somewhere else?

How can we unlearn such lies if indeed they are lies?

What do you think?

Greed and selfishness

Sheikh tweeted that ""humans biggest downfall is selfishness and greed"".  Would you agree?  Why or why not?

Sam disagreed.  He thought that "staying away from GOD is the biggest downfall.".  What do you think?

Is there a difference between what Sam said and what Sheikh said?

I think that selfishness and greed either leads us to stay away from God, or staying away from God leads us to selfishness and greed.  It is part of our human nature to want to think that we are good enough ... and our egoistic nature brings out the selfishness and greed that is a part of us.  Simply put, we have a sinful nature within us that causes us to want to do things that displease God even though deep down, we know better.  Or we should know better.

Rob769 ran a blog under the title "People are fools because of greed and selfishness".  He listed many examples of where selfishness and greed has let us down.

So why are we like this, even so?  Can we get out of our bad nature, and change our ways for the better?  Are some of us better than others?  Who is good enough for God?

What do you think?