Samantha Pugsley waited until she got married before losing her virginity. She regretted it though.
Her reason for doing this is because she pledged to do so at church when she was 10. She learned that sex was taboo outside marriage. She had the impression that anything associated with sex outside marriage was morally wrong, to the extent that she feared going to Hell if she crossed the line. She was proud of her virginity badge of righteousness and felt guilty if anything remotely sexual came up.
She had sexual intercourse with her husband after marriage, but by that stage, protecting her virginity was such an integral part of her, that she did not find pleasure in sex. It hurt. It felt dirty and wrong and sinful. Even though she was doing it with her marital partner.
Samantha saw a therapist about this. She blamed the church for the way she had become. She no longer goes to church or calls herself a Christian.
What went wrong? Was it the Church? The Church's message? Was God wrong or the Church? What do you think?
When I read this story, I wanted to tell Samantha that she need not believe the church. She should do what she believes to be right with God. What is right or wrong is between us and God, and nobody else. The church would try to help, but the church can get it wrong, just like anybody can make mistakes.
But I realise this would not be helpful. What if, what she thinks to be right is actually wrong? Even the church disagrees about some things, as the ordination of women, as in what elements are acceptable as sacrements, etc. If anybody can be wrong, then Samantha herself can be wrong too!
I thought to counsel her to live by what she believes. This sounds good. But what if everybody be doing the right thing by doing this? If that were the case, then Muslim mercenaries and murderers are doing the right thing by killing other people, because they believe that their victims should die. But we who value life would say that what they believe is wrong.
So how should I counsel Samantha? How would you do it? How can we advise somebody who has values already ingrained in her person ... even if those values may be wrong?
What can God do?
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.
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